mistakes and hopes

“I am a firm believer in trusting your gut and in fate. Every single time I felt like doing something, I did. And every time I felt like something was wrong, it was. Every single time. I leaned on my gut over and over again, and it brought me nothing but happy endings, except for once. One time I let my judgement decide instead of my gut, and the regret brings me to my knees day after day.

My only advice is: when you feel that you met the love of your life, stop running. Go towards them. And forget everything you did and felt before. If they run away from you, cause people have been hurt and they tend to do that, don’t let them. If your gut tells you they’re the love of your life, don’t let them run. Start by trying to ground them, but if that doesn’t work, run alongside them. Just run till you catch them, grab their hand and hold on to dear life. If you are the runner, the moment your gut tells you that the person who’s chasing you is the love of your life ( and I do mean the gut, not your brain ), stop. Stop running. Take a deep relaxing breath and hug them. They need that. After all the running they’ve been doing. I regret that I started running and I didn’t look back till it was too late. Till I realized I outran you and at a crossroad you took a different road. Why in the hell am I a runner?!”

I found the previous words written on a piece of paper in a notebook I use to write in. And it shook my world a bit. I woke up this morning kind of early, cause my baby will apparently be a soccer player. He loves to kick me early in the morning till I wake up and take shower for him to relax. I think he loves the sound of running water just like his momma does. I woke up and my husband’s hand was resting on my stomach. He does that since he found out we’re pregnant. He’s sleeping, and I can’t see those beautiful blueish green eyes that he has. His hair is all over the place. If he could just listen and cut it. God. He drives me crazy.  He fell asleep late again cause he likes to sing to the baby at night. He thinks he’ll be relaxed enough not to wake me too early. Yeah right. My baby is just as stubborn as the both of us. After I took the shower and ate, I felt nostalgic out of the blue and I grabbed my old notebook and I found the piece of paper. And I’m glad I did. I needed something to remind me all the pain that I felt. And how it knelt me for so long. And how I got up, and I didn’t lose faith. And one day, almost 2 years ago, he came back to me. It was the best day of my life. And I remember all that and I suddenly feel the need to tell him just how much I appreciate him. I don’t usually write when I’m happy, so I didn’t write in a long while. But I grab a piece of paper and a pen and start writing.

“You are the best man I ever met. You’re strong and smart and driven. You’re wonderful and handsome. Your eyes make me forget how to breathe when they are focused on me. Your smile and your voice make me feel all sort of emotions. From want to love. From physical to emotional to mental. The connection between us is one that movies should be made about. You are great and awesome and all the superlatives at once. You’re the best dad, and your son is not even born yet. You are the ultimate dream come true. And besides all that, you make me feel like I’m the most amazing woman in the world. And for your sake, I might just be. There are not enough words to describe this love and adoration that I feel inside me. It makes me glow. You are making me glow. You are the best!”